Welcome back to our blog!
Continuing our -love yourself first- topic, today I want to approach a subject that I come across quite a lot these days. The constant feeling of being a victim, no matter the circumstances, and you almost always have someone else to blame for what happens to you- being other people, the universe or anything else. Does this sound familiar or does anyone who you know comes to your mind when you read this? It means that you’re looking at something called “Victim Mentality”.
Although we’re all “victims” of past trauma in our lives, whether physical or emotional, it’s healthy to admit pain and not feeling strong. Most of us are scared of being vulnerable, but you have to realise and remember that being vulnerable is actually a sign of strength.
However, it becomes a problem if one would constantly not take responsibility for our decisions or actions that might hurt others. Also, these people tend to be the ones who will find a problem for every 5 solutions and a complaint for almost anything. Many of us may have been there at some point, but the trick is not to make a habit out of it!
If you’re one of these people, one healthy way to deal with a difficult situation is to try to turn and view it in a positive light, i.e. something better is out there for you, or you gain valuable experience and learn something from it!
Most of our feelings of hopelessness have a similar ground: regrets about the past and worries about the future, and nothing productive could come out of that. Ever.
Learn from the past, focus, enjoy the present moment, and be excited about what the future will bring!
So, why are we tempted to do this? Well, I mentioned to you before that our brain is like velcro for negative thoughts and like Teflon for positive ones- but there is more than that.
You see, when someone is portraying themselves as a victim and thinking they are right and everyone else is wrong, it gives them a pleasurable feeling. Of course, is way easier to blame someone else than to take responsibility!
Why? Well, where there is less responsibility, there are fewer risks. This comes down to being in a comfortable zone, and although it’s a dangerous game, the comfort zone gives a certain pleasure knowing there are fewer risks for rejection or failure!
Of course, in the long run, high risk-takers have more benefits and coming out of your comfort zone is probably the best thing that can happen to your life, but this is a topic for another time.
I want to show you the Milgram experiment (1963). In short, they looked at how people obey authority figures even if it was against their morals. But what I want you to notice is at minute 7:20, the participant who was very close to giving up, suddenly becomes willing to continue the experiment when they are told that they will not have to take responsibility for what happens.
Let me now give you a more practical example: let’s say one is on a new job hunt: it can be extremely tempting to sit at home and complain about it while doing NOTHING, than to take chances, face rejection if needed, and keep trying.
I know it sounds simpler than it is, but the more you practice, your brain will rewire and make it easier for you to think like this.
Ok, now let’s practice!
Next time when you have thoughts like the whole universe is against you, tell yourself: “That's ridiculous. Why would the universe be against one person?” Let's do it again. "That's ridiculous. Why would the universe be against one person?" "That's ridiculous. Why would the universe be against one person?"
Next week try to catch yourself how many times you feel like a victim and how many times you do the exercise!
Thank you so much for taking the time to read it. I hope to see you back here next week when we will share with you another interview with an amazing entrepreneur!
With so much 💗,
Behaviour Hackers Team
Author: Ingrid Constantin