How many times have you heard someone that promises you the ‘moon and the stars’, or how we would say back home ‘Villas and Castles’.
Someone comes and tell you they have this fantastic opportunity for you, they want to connect and work with you… but in reality, they are just wasting your time.
This person is probably your typical energy vampire. You can find them roaming in networking events, talking endlessly to that point that it gets awkward and you start tilting your body towards an exit to see if the person gets the hint. Yes, these people that take time but never give you value. You meet these not-so-mythical vampires again and again, and it’s always the same. They can also come in the form of a client that never buys or that keeps asking for more than they paid for and you find yourself complying.
If you are in business, this probably resonates with you, and you already thought of a few people like this that are in your life. This person gets you pumped, you make plans, create documents, write emails, make calls, and suddenly the person is not as responsive as before. You spent time and effort being excited and preparing for this new opportunity that didn’t exist.
It’s kind of like dating. You go to your first date, and the person shows interest for the second date. You believe them and get all excited but they never text back, and you are left to wonder: Was it me? Is it my business? Did I say something to put them off?
Moreover, you start feeling rejection, which makes you feel terrible. Actually, according to a twitter poll, 76% of people said they would instead break an arm than being broken up with. This statement makes sense as social pains like rejection and physical pain are felt in the same parts of the brain according to researcher Naomi Eisenberg at UCLA. Bottom line: rejection hurts, and it takes its toll on you that will affect your business if you don’t deal with it correctly, or avoid it altogether. If you have been in the business world or the dating world, you know very well what I mean. Luckily, there is a way to make things better.
There is a way you can put all that effort into the right people, the people that will add value and not suck your time. The people that will build marvellous relationships with you, the clients you want and avoid the unnecessary heart-ache of rejection. I always say its better to have clients and a network of people like you that you like, people you connect with than having everyone as your client. It took me time to learn this, but it has made me happier and more successful as well.
Let’s be real for a minute. If someone doesn’t have the time for me, why would I waste my time almost begging someone to be my client when I believe in my product or service? I only need with me my high achievers, people that want to improve in business and have better control of their professional life. Anyone that doesn’t want to keep improving their skills and aim higher is not my people, and that is ok!. I want to only surround myself with people with the same type of energy, people that are ready to take challenges, that want to do better, that are not satisfied with being the norm. I have a comparison I use when I advise on dating: ‘be a Fortnum & Mason’. Not everyone will buy what’s in there, but people that buy there is because they are either passionate about food, quality or service, something beyond price. Don’t even try to undersell yourself to get clients.
My point is that you need to hold your head up high and think, who is the people I want around me? Once you do, filter the rest out! Filter the ones that are not interested! It will save you so much time, effort and heartache. Yes, I say heartache because, like many entrepreneurs, I’ve had the headache of the why am I not selling, why are people not interested. One big reason is that you are not putting the effort where they need to be and are focusing on the wrong people.
These tips that I will share with you have helped me save time and effort by keeping the people I want around me and filtering out the ones that drain my energy or don’t match my ethos. These tips come from understanding body language and personality. If you understand people and speak on that different level, you can recognise the red flags that you don’t want near you. These are my top 3 tips not to get sucked in in a waste of time.
Let me give you a few of them:
1) SHADY GLARE
In western cultures, we keep eye contact with people from 60-70% during a conversation. Anything above is considered creepy and bellow uninterested. Let me explain, if you make full-on eye contact with someone for over 1 minute, without looking away, it may start to feel uncomfortable. In nonverbal, everything is context dependent, so I am talking about a business situation, nothing romantic. However, If you are talking to someone, and they keep looking behind you, and their eye contact is disengaged, it is very likely they are not interested in what you have to say, and you are not their primary focus. Maybe now you can think of someone that has done this to you, I am!. I have my go-to example when I think of this, the typical energy vampire. Without boring you with the details, when you see this is happening, politely excuse yourself.
2) SIGNS OF NARCISM
By this, I don’t mean you have to be an expert identifying a person that has narcissistic traits. However, when you are in a conversation where the other individual talks about their business and themselves too much to the point of interrupting you mid-sentence, you should take note in leaving. Take a hint, if they don’t ask you questions about you they are not interested. Another thing to notice that I have come across with is if they try to explain to you your job, maybe in a “polite way, how their understanding its better than your, which is very belittling. I don’t mean someone challenging you in your opinions, that is good and helps you rethink which you need this when you are in business to have an ‘out of the box’ mindset. I mean when someone is talking at you and not listening, questioning you and your business without a real basis in a judgemental way. This is a BIG red flag for me. I have found myself in the past trying to justify my smarts and emphasise “HEY MY BUSINESS IS AWESOME”, but the reality is that not everyone will like your business, same as not everyone will love you and that is ok!. FILTER THEM OUT, not because you are having a tantrum but because you need to use your time in people that are not convincing people that don’t. Many people thought Elon Musk was crazy for thinking he was going to space. If he didn’t care why would you?
3) THE ‘NOT CLOSING’ DANCE
Let’s say you met the person at a networking event, they genuinely seemed interested in your business, and so you arranged to go for a coffee to discuss further. You go for that coffee, and the conversation goes in circles. You try to give closure, for example arranging to do a free trial or not doing any business. Instead, the meeting ends, you say goodbye and end up super confused because you don’t know what the outcome is. I like to compare these things to dating, like when you don’t know if your date likes you or not, when you are left to wonder things like: “If I email them with more info do I come across as needy?” Solution: Let that person take the next step. Maybe they need time to think as part of their process. However, in my experience, If they didn’t want to close there and then, I would not hold my breath. They might come back and invite you to another coffee to catch up. I would book a call instead or keep it on emails. Remember, your time is valuable. When they are ready to work with you, they will, otherwise you will find yourself going to this endless coffee meetings, getting your hopes up and being disappointed. Use your time with clients that want you.
I hope these tips help you get more time back that you can use for other clients or to do some Yoga.
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